My Age?

Hello All!
This child raising thing is quite difficult/frustrating. I told Tobias that I refuse to have children until I am well into my thirties. That gives me more than ten years because...I am only twenty. 
*audience gasps*
Yes, I am twenty. Am I young? Certainly 
I feel really scared sometimes of course.. I don't know what I have gotten myself into. But I do know that I have been with my fiancé for four years and there are many people who have married and had previously known each other for less time than that.
I have his help, he is older than me and has been doing this whole "adult thing" for quite some time now. 


Next year I will be going to university (again), somewhere in Germany, and I need to know my career path immediately. I'm not so sure about this. Every since high school I thought I wanted a career in international relations. I know Swedish and English by birth and I have learned and can now speak Russian and German fluently. International relations sounds like the perfect career path and is still what I feel passionate about. I made good grades all through high school and my one year at Georgetown but I always focused on the humanities. 
Recently I have been doing lots of reading on the profession of gynaecology, it is so random.
I have always hated the sciences, but I really feel strongly about this and could see myself having a more rewarding life by helping women in this way. 
Reasons?
I have always known these facts but the statistics still alarmed me when I read this article .

Also, I know from personal experience the contraceptive access in American for teenage girls is extremely restricted in comparison to many European countries... and there are a lot reasons for this which I could go into but probably wont.


In short, this is something I am seriously considering. Tobias who is also going into the health field was really excited when I told him. Luckily I have (sort of) a year to think about it. 
Hopefully some older and wiser folks can give me their opinion?

Sleepless Nights

Lately I have really been having a lot of trouble sleeping. Maybe it's the fact that the woman I'm staying with isn't very friendly, and her husband is just the opposite. (the children are sweet though)
I worry about the two little girls I watch, they have so much energy and trouble making curiosity. I'm afraid they will hurt themselves somehow, yes it's silly I know. 
It's definitely partly because I am feeling regretful about leaving Georgetown. 
Part of me feels like i've grown up too fast. Two years ago I was eighteen finishing high school, now I'm twenty.. an au pair of all things, engaged and no longer enrolled in university. 
I guess the biggest thing that keeps me up at night is how much I love Tobias. Being away from him right now isn't nearly as bad as when I first had to leave him to come back to the states.  
My parents hated him. He was too old for me, in their opinion.  
Luckily we were still able to see each other through some trips to Miami he made on the down low. Paid for by his parents, who happen to love me.  
Zum Schluss 
I toss and turn, I can't keep my eyes close for more than a few hours, I always feel miserable and my heart aches.
My parents were furious when they found out me and Tobias were engaged, they said I was too young to be in love. I used to wonder if maybe they were right.
Today, I have no doubts.. we have no doubts. We've made it these past four difficult years, over coming distance, age (truly a minor problem, we are only four years apart), and my parents (and maybe a few others) who really didn't want us to be together.


As much as I'm so pleased at how much better my Russian has gotten, I can't wait to get the hell out of here. Then I can get married to the man that I love, surrounded by the people that love and support us. 
Maybe my parents will let Atticus, Aria, and Anna come to the wedding. Maybe we will have reconciled by then, seems unlikely.
My grandma from Sweden is definitely invited... Who will walk me down the aisle? Atticus can't, he's only twelve.
Blargh, I'll stop before I go off on another path.



On a lighter note I got an industrial piercing . No worries my neighbor did it, as the department of state suggests not getting any piercings in Russia on the possibility of a greater chance of infection here...

How I met my Schatz

When I was on my first exchange to Germany at age sixteen, I lived right outside of Stuttgart. Maybe twenty or thirty minutes to the Hauptbahnhof from my train stop. I was going to school at a private gymnasium. The girl who's family I was living with was Katharina, she was an only child and had a really outgoing and fun personality. The first time I met, her she assured me that she would show me how "the Germans make the party." At the time she was eighteen and I was sixteen. I generally spent most of the time with her friends (all the the 12th grade) and a lot of the students in the 13th grade.

The first four months in Germany I was dating a really "typical german" guy named Dominik. He was tall and blond and spoke the area dialect Schwäbisch. At the end of four months we broke up for some reason that wasn't really important, i guess we just stopped liking each other. Throughout the whole year at some of the parties I had been to there was a guy named Tobias who used to go to my school but had just finished his military requirements and was now in university.  I had never really noticed him before or even talked to him except for once when were introduced. Over the winter holidays, some of the thirteenth graders had a "week of celebration" and every night everyone ended up at this really great mexican bar called Cantina on Schellingstrasse. On the last night I felt like I was getting on Katharina's nerves a little bit so I sat on the other side of the bar with a hysterical (and also very German) guy named Max who had also already graduated. We we're talking for a little while and Tobias arrived with a few other guys and sat next to me. I didn't actually recognize him, but he knew me. He said "You're Abritta, right?" 

(of course all of these conversations take place in German)

I was so surprised he knew my name, I turned to him and looked at him as though I was seeing him for the first time. The kindest green eyes, that crinkled at the corners from his smile, looked back at me. I took one look at his dark brown hair that was in a mild "david beckham" spike (he doesn't do that anymore, fortunately) and grinned back at him. Immediately I was drawn to him and he tells me he felt the same. We went into our own little world and kind of zoned out everyone else. At some point his friends girlfriend told us that we should get married. We're definitely following her advice.

So it all started at Cantina, and we still eat there whenever we're in Stuttgart together.